Gold Fish Eyes

my friend P started a new blog! I'm already a fan. Although her blog mite seem bare, cos her pics are small, and her sentences are short (v poetic, i'm inspired!), it's power-packed!

Am i whetting your appetite? Well, i hope to link her blog to mine. but i need to obtain permission. Also, i understand if she mite b a bit shy cos her blog is so new.

Back to talking about today (and me). well, today is Sunday. my body is so tired from the lengthy and heavy duty day yesterday. And i had to wake at 830. so, i basically dragged myself to service, only to hear the my vicar give a sermon on forgiveness. And u noe what else he said? he said that he heard someone say that pple with goldfish-like eyes are filled with resentment. After saying that, he even provided a rationale. Well, it's because they are filled with so much hate and negative energies that they keep inside of them. With no channel for dispelling it, it attempts to gush out of the eye sockets. (like trying fit an oversized balloon in a jar by squeezing and tryin to put the cap on, of course, it bursts and all the air gushes out). By the way, this nonsense came out during the sermon mind u.

I noe what u are thinking. u r probably telling urself that cheryl feels this way cos she has goldfish eyes. humph. if u tink so, i'm goin to feel sad. It's not like that. of course, i sat up and listened harder since this eyes thing concerned me. yes, i admit i have larger than usual eyes. but they talk. (plus i talk a lot too. can u imagine just how talkative i am?) but i tink that pple shouldn't stereotype others like this. this is because i strongly believe that if u have pre-decided notions about pple, u would try to fit them in to that the mould u have made for them, no matter how squeezy and uncomfy. u would find some way. it's like the negative pygmillion effect. not good.

finally, in case u r wondering whether i keep a lot of resentment. i don't. most of the time, i say it. so i don't keep it in. So if u get a sudden outburst from me, i usually meant it to be gentler. I'm working on it. Also, after speaking my mind, i forget about it. hee. then we're friends again. just like that. Aren't i easy-going?



hee. can u hear me talkin?
Qi


Would you like some Celery Cake?


Today we had combined programme in church. by that i mean everyone from the age of 13 to 29 came together. usually the age range is only from 13 to 22++. So to commemorate the special event, we had refreshments!


me: hey S! Today's refrenshments is what huh?

S: oh, got celery cake.

me: wah! got such thing meh?

S: ya.


Later i found out it was actually Sara-Lee cake. hee.

Eat some more? No wonder u look like this!

Having Wild Strawberry ice cream at Gelare after my free spa. Is my skin glowing?

Living like a Tai Tai

Yea, i could really b one. This morning i went for fitness. feeling the sweat ooze out made me feel so refreshed, so invigorated. then almost right after, i went for my free spa. hee. it was so good. i sweat some more under the steam, the body wrap and the massage was relaxing. but i have to say that i still prefer exercising. the feel-good effects last a lot longer after say for example, a run or a fitness class. Cheaper some more, if not free.

then i went to attempt to buy some clothes for CNY. realised my body is too exhausted. tried a few pieces then sat down to wild strawberry ice-cream at Gelare. hee.

now i have to rush my homework. argh.

*Ber n Cheryl shopping at Cheers for munchies before watching Shall We Dance?


me: aye, u want chips?

Ber: yea, ok. this one? (points at a big bag of Lay's)

me: hmmmm....ok,,...(very hesitant)

but wat if we can't finish?


Ber: that's not so bad.

What if we actually finish it?

Is that your bag?

Today is Patron's Day (SMU's version of Founder's Day. Some people may also consider it the school's anniversary or 'birthday'). And basically, the entire upper quad is done up like a fun fair, complete with dunking games, food, and most importantly, a stage. I'l post the pics up later, if my dear fren F wil send them to me.

I was walking around with the touchies. And i met S. S is presently slightly handicapped as she dislocated her elbow at a previous friendly. She has a cast on her right hand that extends from her wrist to her mid-upper arm. She was carrying this plastic box with a handle. (the size about just right to fit a human head) It looked like a green and white checkered First Aid Kit made out of straw. I thought she looked like an injured nurse and decided to poke fun at her.

me: hey S!

S: hey.

me: (cheekily)

is that your school bag?

S: (matter of factly)

yes.

Good Morning God

Today is Sunday. Day to praise God. Yippee! I'm back-up singing despite a bad throat. Slept from 7plus last night till 8plus this morning. I do feel rested. feels good. Sigh, i don't even know why i'm doing this now. eeeks. I'm supposed to be changing for church cos i'm starving too. Need food. After a more than 12 hour fast. I need to nourish. haha.

I'm feeling skinny today!

*yesterday i got filmed on someone's video. saw the person deliberately putting the camera towards me. Unless it was for the ugly tree behind, there was really nothing else. Don't like the idea.


...
Qi

Shopping for rugby balls

Today the touch team (don't we sound so cool?) went to Farrer Park to play friendly against NTU. Well, i was feeling sick, so i suppose my actions were not matched to the enthusiasm going off like fireworks in my head. I really wanted to win. really wanted to run. But yea, talk's nothing without any running. hee.

so when we got one of our precious breaks, i sat down next to E (my lovely captain).

E: i dreamt about you last night, cheryl. (she loves to call me by name)

me: oh really? cool. who was i with?

E: Oh, me la

me: oh, ok, what were we doing?

E: i dunno, i forgot.

me: (with my great imagination) i think we were shopping.

*pauses for thought generation

Shopping for rugby balls.

E: shop for what?

me: we were deciding which shape to choose!

E: *flashes a dazed look*

Would u like to buy bak kwa?

Touch rugby (don't we sound cool?) is having a really cool sale, in the light of the approaching Chinese New Year. At first, i was very hesitant about this way of fund-raising. I thought (wrong) that no one would want to buy it, much less eat it. Mainly because i don't. Never put bak kwa near me. cos i tink it smells funny.

Being the sales girl i am, i tried to approach everyone i know to buy the bak kwa. Apart from asking the usual things, like what brand, how much, when they can get it, i've been getting some terribly odd questions. Odd because i don't know how to answer them. In my desperation, i turned to E, who is supposed to know more cos she's the captain of my team. hee.

me: do u have any idea where the bak kwa is made?

E: why does it matter where it's made? my friends love it!

me: ya, but i've been entertaining some weird questions and this is already a good
example.

continues

i have friends asking if we sell vegetarian bak kwa...

E: haaahhahahhaha

pauses

vegetarian bak kwa?

hahahahahahhhha

pauses

cai kwa!!

hahahahahahha

yippee!
Qi

hello hello!
Qi

hello again
Qi

hello
Qi

Much awaited pampering

Have been running around a lot more lately. Not by choice. But rather, mainly due to the increased training (which i happen to look forward to all the time, i might add)and i dunno, walking around campus? and of course, the occassional jumps up in the air for joy. hee.

I'm going to go for foot reflexology! well, there's a wealth of science behind this stone-age technique. Apparently, every acupoint of your body is linked back to your feet. ooh...beautiful feet! mayb i should take a picture of my beautiful feet and post it up. for your immense viewing pleasure. hee.

Ohh! and next wed, i'm going for spa! And the best part? it's free! tt's what your get when your best friend is in the beauty business. i'l do a review later...so maybe u all can go check it out...yippeee

I'm still struggling over my Strategy homework and my Nego homework. I'm also bothered about my dumb craving for Lana cake! But apparently, it's an evil, vicious cycle. the more u eat these sugary stuff, u the higher u get on sugar. and the lower your energy slumps when ur sugar is used up....and that's when u want to top up with chocolate, brownies, white bread...and banana and basically all the other yummy food. so sigh...doesn't this convince u to keep to raw vege, lean protein, unprocessed, unrefined wheat and bran...yogurt and u noe, the list continues...ok, actually i'm just babbling. are u thinking that my babbling sounds very intellectual? hee. thanks!




this is for u: Have a good day!

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Are you a morning person?

it's like 8.26 in the morning. I'm actually awake and most interestinly, i'm in the mood for doing work. What more can i say? i'm a morning person!

The sun streaming and flooding my room, removing the chill that previously hovered. Feels good. Watching my dog in his slumber and hearing the occasional chocking snore. hee. it's so sweet. feels like a hug from God. even though i'm just sittin, typing, in what i might usually think my room. my most normal room. haha.

I'm actually goin to do my homework. i might even do a little extra. like my nego journal and read my Brave New World. How cultured i must sound. yippee!

ok, i shan't waste time on the net. but will surely blog again later. yippee! (jumps in the air, spreading her arms)

Hong Kong...

Ber, me and Le Shan at Lamma Island beach. we sat there and talked for like 1 hour. So funny.

Leaving on a jet plane. Valuair!
Qi

With Betty Boop. I want to be her too. yippee!
Qi

me eating. again. sigh. cotton candy at the Hall of Fame. It's this walkway along the river that has the handprints of famous HK stars.
Qi

Me drinking liang cha. costs HK$5 for a bowl like the one i'm holding. Bitter. liang yao ku kou.
Qi

Claypot rice by the road side. cheap and oily and yummy.
Qi

We were at an amusement park at Shen Zhen. Behind us is supposed to be a miniature 'mining factory'.
Qi

Do i look nice with braided hair?

i need eye-cream sponsor

yippee!

my dance proposal got approved so everything will be starting. i'l be calling people up and inviting them to take part in the practices. i'm excited. but i got my first lukewarm response from En. Sigh. it's ok. i'm used to it anyway. but i'l be praying for enthusiastic individuals who will be motivated by their own love for God and a desire to worship Him and draw people to Him.

today's school was good. i was feelin unsure and intimidated by my nego class cos everyone seemed so competitive and capable and i wanted to participate and feared that i'l make bimbotic comments. i'm q capable of it. haha. but i prayed b4 class. And dunno y, i tink i was rather analytical and contributive during class today. yippee! this was the same for law class after. thank God. Cos He takes care of the big items as well as the small ones.

i just read another fren's blog. Well, he's not close to me at all. but i was curious so i went to look. He's the chirpy sort of person who makes frens almost immediately. But his blog was so depressing. But i'm at the same time rather surprised that he was so willing to share so much.

as i was sharing with genie the other day (genie is my best fren. and as her name suggests, she is truly magical), i tink i'm becoming more private. i mean, i talk the same amount, but then i start to talk less and less abt myself. good ar?
cos then i'l be less ego. i tink i'm slowing down. growing old and losing interest in myself. eeeks. i sound like i'm mental. ya, back to me telling genie abt tt. and she said, 'ya, i noticed that too'. help.

i guess there shouldn't b any prob with that, except that i tink it's cos i find it rather discomforting to talk abt myself. weird rite? ai ya, ok, enough abt this nonsense. i shall think of funny things to say soon. bye for now.

Yet another Sunday

Nothing exciting has happened in the last few days. i tink my life is becoming boring. Even my weight has become constant. argh. And i'm running out of funny things to say. i don't have pple i hate or pple that i get excited over. i don't have immeasurable stress nor carefree (panty-liners with wings) kind of holidays. In short, i'm becoming boring. eeks.

Let me think of interesting things to tell:

Oh, we had friendly on Sat with TP, JJ and Kent Ridge Hall. I was rather pleased with my performance. hee. the team is coming together nicely and i feel coach's commitment increasing. Previously, it wasn't tt he wasn't committed. It was that we were not too. And i tink it really takes 2 hands to clap. yup.

Today we played rounders. 30 people turned up and i am so so pleased. THANK GOD. i had fun and a good time in the sun. What more can i ask for?

I need to start reading my nego stuff. find stuff on my law to read and much more. sigh. ok, shall go bathe now. i will make notes while i watch the soccer match betw Indo and Singapore. yippee.

me looking demure. hee.

stop eating cheryl
Qi

What is most private about Cheryl

interesting title right? hope it got u. this is one of the numerous questions that my Prof for Tech & Lit posed at us. Got me thinking. He said that most of the time, while people might not want to show their bodies and consider their bare bodies to be ultimately private and reserved for the most special one in their lives, their answer to that question has something to do with their minds. tt's the same for me. my body wasn't even in the running. (no, u may not c my bare body)

the most private thing about me s something rather tangible. it is basically a wish list. something that i don't dare to reveal. not that i don't want to. but i don't dare. Because i noe that pple will judge me. then they would laugh at me. (cos sometimes i laugh at myself too)

But funnily enough, i pray about it. haha. i pray that God would answer my weirdest hopes and dreams. but He knows. He knows that this somewhat 'dumb' wishlist defines me. It shows what i really don't have but want. It also shows who i want to be or become. What i have to offer and what i wish i can offer. It's me. And sadly, it's private. Am i whetting ur appetite? i hope i am. cos i hope that if u are interested, then there may be some hope that u love me. that u r interested to find out. so tricky hor. ai ya, it's just my load of crap. welcome to my world.

oh, and another thing that was mentioned in class that i remember:

Prof Kirpal asked (imagine this in the background of Literature and Technology) whether the idea of immorality appealed to us, assuming the say came that technology can accomplish that for us. Well, come girl in class said that it didn't. cos then she has to see her loved ones die. and that she'l end up being alone. Which i guess is really not funny. no matter how much alone time pple need, sometimes we NEED time loving people and being loved by people. and i think that tt's a bit hard with DEAD people.

I was thinking...this idea didn't appeal to me (even in the absence of heaven) cos it may get tiring. i may just get tired living, being on a diet, and so on. ok, i noe i'm being an idiot. another reason was cos i think i don't deserve to live forever. the amount that i can offer to humanity doesn't warrant me any more years than what i have presently.

then,,,some girl said something that caught me. she said:

"don't we appreciate life because of the length (or lack) of it?"

don't u think there is indeed some truth to that?

i tink that it is mainly due to the fact that we humans tend to be complacent shits. so when we are left with little time, we realise that everything is TOO LATE then we start to appreciate things for what they are. It need not be life. It can be anything. food, time, people.....the list goes on. I'm so guilty of that. maybe that's why God wants us to 'enter His gates with thanksgiving'. it's so important.

enough of preaching. i noe i'm getting boring. welcome to my world...

Negotiate and resolve conflict

This is what i'm going to actively do this term. Other than read up on tecnology and literature, work and family and be armed with answers to questions like 'what is the meaning of my life?'. all these, for class participation marks. i can do it. hee.

it's so odd to not have an accounting module this term. i feel like i'm pretty lost. today my nego instructor tried to give us an example of a kid who seperated the 'person' from the 'problem'.

mummy (apparently her friend) and 2 year old girl (mummy's daughter) have a little conversation as the girl is playing her Lego.

Mummy: hi there. what are you doing?

Girl : playing my Lego

Mummy: can Mummy play with u?

Girl: No.

Mummy: Do u love Mummy?

Girl: yes.

Mummy: so can Mummy play Lego with u?

Girl: no.

Let me explain. in case u are lost or think i'm mad for even putting it in my blog. I do just think it's interesting and the way my instructor spoke made the little girl sound cute. Apparently, the issue is that the girl wants to play her Lego alone. And whether or not she loves her mother doesn't change the fact that she would like to play alone. so the point is to not get emotional but to look at things from the point of view of the person you are talking with. Most of the time, we tend to just deduce that the girl doesn't REALLY love the mummy. when that's not the case. Interesting huh? kids are just so straightforward. so pure. hee.


cheryl is actually from the Addam's family. she's the more perky sort.
Qi

mocha madness

so it was one faithful saturday after a class, friendly match AND fitness class that ber n i decided that we really should try to read our stuff. so we trooped down to Junction 8. Cos we remembered that there was this nice little cafe in the middle of nowhere that has interesting cakes n muffins and free flow bread. We ordered a soup and i had a mocha. Sometimes i just have this coffee craze.

The verdict:

Mocha ($3.80) tasted thick and chocolaty. has a nice aroma. the coffee is not very strong, so it wouldn't leave u feeling like an energizer bunny.

Clam chowder with free flow bread ($6.80) tasted a little too creamy for my liking. But i think ber didn't mind it, or mayb we were both famished. it had a lot of ingredients in the soup. felt like mashed up potato, mushroom and clam. yea, sounds pretty good huh. but dunno y, it didn't go down so well with me.

Anyway, it was a good day, though i felt like i over-ate. (like i did the entire week) i'm feeling like my tummy's coming back. shall work on it. sigh.


mocha at Cedele depot at Junction 8

Not so great Friday

Just came back from cell group. It was an interesting time investigating the Lord's Prayer. I have finally told them about my big budget plan. I hope to get a nicer name for it soon tho, cos this way of calling it is soon going to stick and it is surely not a great way to obtain approval.

I got an ok response from everyone. They were mostly agreeable, and bothered about pretty much the same things as i was previously. Things like budget, attendance, sustainability, approval, purposes, presence of a vision, etc.

Thank God for planting in me this interest for it was what i was thinking about the last few days actually. I just really need to fine tune it. In the process, i can only pray for providence and approval. i'l be working on a proper proposal soon. One that can be presented to the pastoral team.

Other than that, today was an ok day. Pretty slack as i don't have school on Fridays. I went for fitness and had lunch at home. Watched 3 episodes of CSI with Ber and took a nap. Then had cell group and here i am. They way i lead my life is not acceptable. I eat too much, sleep too much, don't study and pray too rarely. HELP. I think i have to overhaul my life and get it in order. Not just my room, but my life too.

What is the meaning of my life? argh.

nice nice breakfast

yum yum. smell the coffee....
Qi

i'm kinda nutty over nice breakfasts. Actually, i'm crazy about having breakfasts, even if it consists only of a drink. best if it's right after a long sweaty run cos then i'l feel less guilty about indulging. And there is this accomplished feeling. Wow!

well, this time although i didn't go after a run, i went after a brain juice-consuming class. It was the first class of my Better Living: Literature & Technology class. Kirpal is my instructor. He asked many probing questions, most seeming to do with the 'better living' part. Things like 'are u living or simply existing?'. What are the high points in your life in the last 5 years? Are those high points the times when u truly lived? Sigh, i dunno.

i wonder whether thinking so much does indeed make one a better person, a deeper thinker for the purposes of a more meaningful life, a friendlier person, etc? I don't want to become an argumentative, a difficult person to talk to. Sometimes, i'm fine with simply talking rubbish and reading trash. But i promised myself that i will sit myself down and really THINK and consider my life. This is so that if there comes a day when i have to be forced into doing it, it wouldn't b too late. There are also academic purposes. I want to be prepared for some probing questions that Kirpal has to ask. I also want to be prepared should the day come for me to ask myself seriously.

ok, sorry for the abrupt ending. i simply stopped considering.

Sexy

Was doing stretches after a warm up run, when i noticed M's shorts.

me: Wow, the slit of ur shorts go up rather high ya?

M : erm...ya.

me: Sexy eh?

M: erm...ya.

me: ....

Tim Burton's poems

So it was one fine day at the Taka Kinokuniya that i came across this book. I have been interested in poems since my Creative Writing class. It was so funny i read the entire thing all at a go. Yea, i noe what u r thinking: I didn't buy it.

So thinking that i was so cool to have discovered a new, interesting poet, i looked to see what other stuff he wrote. A work by him that is commonly known would be Big Fish. cos it made it to the big screen. So i found out that he is indeed rather accomplished and that i'm so uncool to have found out so late. To make matters worse, a simple search on the internet reaped many many sites related to his poems. There were fan sites for his poems, fan sites of the characters of the poems, sites selling toys and many many more. sigh. uncultured i am.

He actually wrote quite a lot of stories and most of them made famous. Pretty cool huh? What i like best about his poems is that they are not the sort that u have to think real deep, decipher and play around with words to decide what the poet is trying to say. Perhaps if u dug deeper, u mite find more meaning. However, with my time constraint and simple mind, i found the poems really fun and extremely creative. Another source of inspiration.

Well, wanted to copy and paste a peom for all to see. But yea, it's not posted online. Mayb after i buy the book i'l share it with u all. For now, this is the site to visit:
http://homepage.tinet.ie/~sebulbac/burton/staringgirl.html


I'm so sorry i'm not so good with the links yet. I don't noe if i ever will be. for now, u have to copy and paste the webby into ur address box. Have fun!

I'm in such a dirty lousy mood

even my dog can't console me. yes, usually he can.

Previously, i had a blog on Xanga that i updated regularly. Every single entry is private. I read it. In case u wonder y i did that, well, i just needed to sort out my thoughts and writing/typing helps. U literally see your ideas. It's then that i start to think.

Today i'm an angry person. flew into a rage over something my mum did and later half-heartedly apologised for. i can't remember now whether it was what was done that was more irritating or that nonchalant 'oh, sorry' that was so missable.

Later i fell asleep in a chair, while tryin to watch Honey on dvd. right after lunch. Now i'm sleepy but awake and angry that i'm such a slug. I should go and run later. I need to go and run later. cos i'm such a slob. a fat sluggish slob.



I feel like crying. again. but i also feel like beating someone up. I also feel like quarreling. someone call me pls.


I feel like throwing up. But i noe i can't. Help. I feel like crying. i think i'l just go to sleep. i'm such a slob. thanks.

Taken on 27 Nov 2004

A more recent pic. To practise my pic posting. Hee. Enjoy.
Qi

Tomorrow is the first day of school

And i'm excited. Hee. Half scared, half excited. I'm looking forward to a lot of things. like the musical, yet i dread the auditions for casting. I'm looking forward to good results, yet dreading the studying, the worrying and the hard luck sometimes. I'm looking forward to answered prayers, yet dread the worrying that i'm expecting from God, not leading a righteous life, not actually praying.

2004 is a sad year for me. I spent a lot of time crying. a lot of time thinking. a lot of time wishing and also a significant amount of time praying. i'l always remember something my sis told me. that 'slowly but surely, the pain will heal'. i've heard a lot of strategies, a lot of formulae for healing. i can't say i have found one. but i promise that it would not compromise my quality of living, my friends, my service to God. My time won't stop and my youth won't be wasted.

I hope school will be fun, despite being alone for many modules. But i'l leave that to God. He takes care of small things too. And big things like me. I hate being big.

Gosh, i'm supposed to be packing my room. But instead watched TV to my death, had steamboat, Bailey's with ice-cream and more ice-cream. Did i say i hate being big?

Picture posting abilities

this is me. a good 9 months ago. i'm just trying out my pic posting abilities. welcome to my wonderful world.
Qi

Resolute

I just like the way this word sounds. Resolute. Isn't it nice?
I don't actually have anything very significant to say. Should i? Considering that this is my first public blog and also the first day of 2005. But yea, whatever, it's no big deal. I figure that in a lot of things, it's not the beginning that counts only, but also the middle and the end. haha. ok, this is truly brainless vomit. I don't have anything important to announce.

It's the new year. and i'm excited. i started a blog for no good reason. no bad ones either. just for fun. don't read too deeply. cos everything is intended to be not-so-edited. haha. it's meant to be....erm...i dunno, just ramblings.

But yea, resolute. that's me. for certain things that is.