A summary

I was skimming through the rubbish in my computer and found this. It's dated 4 November 2007. I was preparing to go on a mission trip to Korat last year and the trip leader asked everyone to write their "testimony". So here's my attempt.

If you are a 2nd child, or even better, a middle child, this little sharing is especially dedicated to you.

I grew up in a Christian home, with parents who love God, each other and me. However, for some reason, I never felt loved enough. It’s as if someone owes me something. As a kid, I often wondered why God didn’t make me smarter, more talented, more beautiful, more popular, etc. While I never became that angst-y, suicidal kid, I made up for what I view were my shortcomings, by trying to be the good kid.

I studied hard, obeyed my parents, attended church, was good to my friends. I always tried to do the right thing. I still do. I believed that God the Father sent His Son to die for me. Yet, it was necessary for me to do good, do my daily devotion, be nice, study hard, you know, the usual. I feared that if I didn’t, then my prayer is not as effective, I’m not so blessed, or perhaps, I’m not so forgiven. Or that when I go to heaven, I will live in an ‘attap’ house.

Recently, I learnt about the grace of God. That Jesus took my place on the cross, so that I could take His place. He gave me His life, so that I can live. And as sinful as I was, even more so was Jesus (and still is) sinless. By His stripes, I’m forgiven, of my sins past, present, and future. When He cried “it is finished!” on the cross, that was exactly what He meant. There’s nothing more i can do. There’s nothing more I need to do.

Romans 8 asks “who can separate us from the love of God?” And in the same passage, this question is answered. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Did my life change? Yes. Did my problems disappear? No. I still have problems. I still have many questions which are unanswered. One day, I was feeling discouraged, and I had many questions, one of which was, if my God has done it all, if Jesus did finish it all on the cross, how come I don’t see the good things happening? And why is it so difficult?

And this is what my sister wrote to me in an email, “Qi,” as she affectionately calls me, "I may not have the answers to your questions. But in the meantime, this is what i have to say:...we need to look at difficult situations through eyes of faith, even though the circumstances don’t reflect the reality of what we believe yet."

She continues to attempt to explain it, and this part requires some imagination on your part: "It’s like, if u ask a Christian caterpillar what it is, it will tell you, “I’m a butterfly” – something like that." I was crying and laughing at the same time.

In Romans 8, it says that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. FOR I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Let the love of God and His finished work on the cross be your persuasion. And you will be more than conquerors. And while God has many children, to Him, You are an only child. His only child.

past present future?

I was browsing through all the photos in my computer. And feeling that "heart-squeezing" feeling. I don't know how to describe it. I have to say i really really miss those days and want to relive some of them. I think top of my list has to be my touch rugby days. Especially when we represented SMU. We didn't win. But we were a fun bunch. We trained and we played. Hard. Of course, the days playing in NJ were very precious too. But for some reason, i don't hv any of those photos.

The other would be the theatre days. Honestly, i never thought i could master all that stuff. And i'm not sure i can do it again! But for it's worth, i really really gained a lot from the 4 productions we did. Every production has a special place in my heart for different reasons. Sing to the Dawn was my first and to this day, i'm so proud of it. And the cast! remarkable people. A What on His What was awesome. I remember it being fun. And G was so good in her role. Barefoot in the Park. Who knew i could do blue hair? Anything Goes proved i can do anything! haha. not really la. But it was by far the biggest challenge. I was under a lot of stress. I remember being so scared. But God helped in marvellous ways.

SMU days are so precious. And the people are so precious. Remember our study buddy club? And talks of papaya? Going for rugby training at the "upper quad"? Or hanging at the red door on end because of rehearsals. Argh.

Thank God for a good time. And much more to come. =)

Shopgirl (2005)

I think it was on Sunday that Shopgirl was shown on TV. I didn't mean to catch it. But found myself comfortably sprawled on the sofa as this show was just beginning. And i was hooked. The story moved quickly and engaged me. I was very touched by the kind of love and commitment. It's an interesting story, with a very very slight twist. It's actually adopted from a novel written by Steve Martin. I liked it. Go watch it. =)

Tax structuring. whoo hoo.

Eagle Eye

The movie had a lot of action, some suspense and shitloads of explosions. The male lead is a mix of Peter Petrelli from Heros and Edward Norton, and the female lead is skinny. haha. that's about all i came away with. The show's really not that good. But if u have to watch it, watch it in a cinema, where u can feel the full blast of the explosions.

Me lor, which u've done. N tell God too. But no need to be anxious cos God will provide a * *, soon. - 26 Feb 08

Smile at her when she speaks to u, instead of looking at her directly, look at her *. That will unseat her. - 10 Sep 08

* women tend to nit-pick and both * and * are excitable - 10 Sep 08

it's *. just take * and go. if u're not sure, ask again. no need to feel her emotion. - 10 Sep 08

Keep looking forward. No need to look back. - 30 Sep 08

Kangoo jumps

Today is a public holiday. Last night was the eve of a public holiday and i had so much fun. Seriously. Last night, i met up with my best friends. (yes, i have two best friends) And we had dinner and we went to shop. You know, the thing about meeting up with friends who know u and love u and are fun is just so uplifting, no matter what the activity. Anyways, after a good dinner and a prolonged conversation, we headed to the shops. And buy did we!

I bought 1 dress and 3 tops. And i'm super pleased cos i like them all very much. We went home very late and extremely pleased with ourselves.

This morning i didn't sleep in. I woke at 930am. Went to East Coast Park with L, M and N to go Kangoo jumping. Had super a lot of fun. It was a cloudy day, but now my face is hot from the sun and workout.

Then i went to the hairdresser's and got a head of new hair. Revived at least. heh.

I ended the day meeting with a good friend. An old friend. I'm such a sucker for good conversations. And yep. Now i'm home, after a massive jam in Bedok. Feeling very blissfully exhausted. =)