A summary

I was skimming through the rubbish in my computer and found this. It's dated 4 November 2007. I was preparing to go on a mission trip to Korat last year and the trip leader asked everyone to write their "testimony". So here's my attempt.

If you are a 2nd child, or even better, a middle child, this little sharing is especially dedicated to you.

I grew up in a Christian home, with parents who love God, each other and me. However, for some reason, I never felt loved enough. It’s as if someone owes me something. As a kid, I often wondered why God didn’t make me smarter, more talented, more beautiful, more popular, etc. While I never became that angst-y, suicidal kid, I made up for what I view were my shortcomings, by trying to be the good kid.

I studied hard, obeyed my parents, attended church, was good to my friends. I always tried to do the right thing. I still do. I believed that God the Father sent His Son to die for me. Yet, it was necessary for me to do good, do my daily devotion, be nice, study hard, you know, the usual. I feared that if I didn’t, then my prayer is not as effective, I’m not so blessed, or perhaps, I’m not so forgiven. Or that when I go to heaven, I will live in an ‘attap’ house.

Recently, I learnt about the grace of God. That Jesus took my place on the cross, so that I could take His place. He gave me His life, so that I can live. And as sinful as I was, even more so was Jesus (and still is) sinless. By His stripes, I’m forgiven, of my sins past, present, and future. When He cried “it is finished!” on the cross, that was exactly what He meant. There’s nothing more i can do. There’s nothing more I need to do.

Romans 8 asks “who can separate us from the love of God?” And in the same passage, this question is answered. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Did my life change? Yes. Did my problems disappear? No. I still have problems. I still have many questions which are unanswered. One day, I was feeling discouraged, and I had many questions, one of which was, if my God has done it all, if Jesus did finish it all on the cross, how come I don’t see the good things happening? And why is it so difficult?

And this is what my sister wrote to me in an email, “Qi,” as she affectionately calls me, "I may not have the answers to your questions. But in the meantime, this is what i have to say:...we need to look at difficult situations through eyes of faith, even though the circumstances don’t reflect the reality of what we believe yet."

She continues to attempt to explain it, and this part requires some imagination on your part: "It’s like, if u ask a Christian caterpillar what it is, it will tell you, “I’m a butterfly” – something like that." I was crying and laughing at the same time.

In Romans 8, it says that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. FOR I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Let the love of God and His finished work on the cross be your persuasion. And you will be more than conquerors. And while God has many children, to Him, You are an only child. His only child.